Someone asks about the detail you nearly skipped in a story. You stop looking for the next thing to say and tell them what happened. That's the kind of instant connection these phrases can help start. The skill is paying attention and saying something that fits the moment.

No phrase works on everyone, and connection can't be reduced to a script. But some ways of speaking signal interest and warmth very quickly, and people noticed them long before anyone studied them. In his Rhetoric, Aristotle listed the kinds of people we tend to feel friendly toward, and much of that list still reads like a guide to good conversation.

Here are ten phrases that put those ideas into practice, along with a few from Homer, Plutarch, Confucius, Cicero and modern research.

1. "Come in, I'm so glad you made it."

Early in Homer's Odyssey, a stranger arrives at the house of Odysseus. His son Telemachus is annoyed that a guest has been "kept waiting for admittance," so he goes straight to the gate and takes the visitor's hand. "Welcome," he says, "to our house, and when you have partaken of food you shall tell us what you have come for" (Odyssey 1, Samuel Butler's translation). The guest is the goddess Athena in disguise, but Telemachus doesn't know that.

The order is the point. Welcome comes first, and questions come later. Greeting someone warmly before asking what they do or why they're there tells them they're wanted for their own sake. At a party, a meeting or a first coffee, "I'm so glad you made it" can set the tone for everything that follows.

2. "Great to meet you, Priya."

Roman politicians often relied on a nomenclator, a servant who walked beside them and whispered the names of the people they met. Plutarch records that when a law banned candidates from using them, Cato the Younger, running for military tribune, "was the only one who obeyed the law." He "made it his business to salute and address without help from others those who met him on his rounds" (Life of Cato the Younger 8, Bernadotte Perrin's translation).

Learning names takes effort, which is partly why people notice it. Using someone's name once, early on, helps you remember it and shows you were paying attention. If you've forgotten it, asking again is better than avoiding it: "Sorry, remind me of your name?" Just don't overdo it. A name repeated in every sentence starts to sound like a sales pitch.

3. "How did you get into that?"

This one comes from modern research rather than ancient philosophy. In a 2017 paper, Harvard researchers led by Karen Huang reported that in two online experiments, people asked to pose more questions were better liked by their conversation partners. Follow-up questions were especially useful when they picked up on something the other person had just said (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology). A 2025 correction fixed minor reporting errors after an independent audit and confirmed the paper's conclusions.

A follow-up question shows you heard what the person just said. "How did you get into that?" or "What was that like?" builds on their answer rather than moving on to the next topic.

4. "I've never tried that. How does it work?"

In the Analects, Confucius explains why an official named Kong Wenzi was honored after his death with the title Wen, meaning "cultured." It was because "he was bright and loved learning, and unashamed to ask questions of those below him" (Analects 5.15, Robert Eno's translation).

Admitting you don't know something invites the other person to share what they do know. Many people enjoy explaining their work, their hobby or their hometown to someone who is curious about it. It also takes the competition out of a conversation, because nobody needs to prove they know more.

5. "Wait, me too!"

Aristotle observed that we feel friendly "towards those who are like ourselves in character and occupation," and "those who desire the same things as we desire, if it is possible for us both to share them together" (Rhetoric 2.4, W. Rhys Roberts's translation).

Finding something in common, whether a hometown, a favorite band or a shared frustration with the morning train, gives a conversation somewhere to go. It only works if it's true. Invented common ground tends to unravel quickly. And when you find it, hand the conversation back: "Me too! How did you end up there?"

6. "That's wonderful news. Tell me everything."

Aristotle describes a friend as someone who "shares your pleasure in what is good and your pain in what is unpleasant, for your sake" (Rhetoric 2.4). Cicero made a similar point in his essay on friendship: "Is not prosperity robbed of half its value if you have no one to share your joy?" Friendship, he adds, "enhances prosperity, and relieves adversity of its burden by halving and sharing it" (On Friendship ch. 6, Evelyn Shuckburgh's translation).

When someone mentions good news, real enthusiasm and a question let them enjoy it a second time. The same goes for bad news: "That sounds really hard. How are you doing?" These are often the moments when people decide whether you're someone they can talk to.

7. "You explained that really clearly."

Aristotle noticed that we warm to "those who praise such good qualities as we possess, and especially if they praise the good qualities that we are not too sure we do possess" (Rhetoric 2.4).

That second part is the useful one. A specific compliment about something a person is quietly unsure of tends to mean more than general praise. A colleague who was nervous about a presentation may remember "You explained that really clearly" for a long time. The compliment has to be sincere, though. People can usually tell flattery from a real observation.

8. "I'm hopeless at that too."

In the same list, Aristotle includes "those who are honest with us, including those who will tell us of their own weak points" (Rhetoric 2.4).

A small admission of imperfection can make others feel less judged, and it signals a little trust. If someone confesses they can never keep a plant alive, "I'm hopeless at that too" puts you on the same side. Keep it light and true. A long confession or fishing for reassurance tends to have the opposite effect.

9. "Oh, that's the bakery you mentioned earlier."

Plutarch noticed that people know how to tilt a jar so a liquid fills it without spilling, yet they "never learn to apply themselves to a speaker and to accord attention to his lecture so that none of its good points may escape them" (On Listening 3, Frank Cole Babbitt's translation). He was writing about young men at lectures, but the idea of catching what's said, rather than letting it spill, applies just as well to conversation.

Say someone mentions early on that their sister runs a bakery, and later says they were up at five helping with a big order. Connecting the two shows you were listening: "Oh, that's the bakery you mentioned earlier." Small links like this tell people their words landed, and they often relax and say more.

10. "This has been so much fun."

Cicero thought friendship needed warmth as well as seriousness. "There should be a certain pleasantness in word and manner which adds no little flavour to friendship," he wrote. Friendship "should be a little less unbending, more indulgent and gracious, and more inclined to all kinds of good-fellowship and good-nature" (On Friendship ch. 18).

Saying out loud that you're enjoying someone's company is a simple step that many people skip. Research on the "liking gap" suggests that people often underestimate how much their conversation partners liked them, which is a topic we've covered before. Telling someone you enjoyed talking with them takes some of the guesswork away, and it makes a warm way to say goodbye.

A phrase can open a door, but it can't do the rest

Cicero knew that real friendship takes time. He quotes a proverb: "You must eat many a peck of salt with a man to be thorough friends with him" (On Friendship ch. 19). A quick connection is a good start, not a finished friendship.

These phrases also only work when they're meant. Used as techniques, they tend to sound hollow, and people notice. Not everyone warms up quickly, either. Introverts, people with social anxiety and many neurodivergent people may connect in different ways or at a different pace, and that isn't a failure. Norms around names, compliments and personal questions also vary between cultures, so what feels warm in one setting can feel intrusive in another.

And sometimes the most socially intelligent move is to notice that someone doesn't want to chat right now, and to leave them in peace.

One place to start

Next time you meet someone, ask one follow-up question about a detail they've already shared. Give them room to answer and see where they take it.