When George Washington was a young teenager, he copied 110 rules of good behavior into a school notebook. Many came, via English translation, from a manual written for students at a French Jesuit college in the 1590s. The first rule sets the tone: "Every Action done in Company ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present" (Rules of Civility 1, as reproduced by Moncure D. Conway).

Some of the rules have aged badly. Rule 13 begins: "Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others." Others assume a world of strict rank that most people wouldn't want back.

But that first rule still holds up. Good manners are mostly small, visible signs of respect. They won't make anyone like you instantly on their own, but people notice them, often more than you'd expect. Here are eight old-fashioned ones that still make a good impression.

1. Giving someone a proper welcome

Washington's sixth rule packs four pieces of advice into one line: "Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you should hold your Peace, walk not when others Stop" (Rules of Civility 6).

The common thread is paying attention to the people around you, and it applies just as well to a welcome.

When someone arrives, look up, turn toward them and greet them by name. If you're able to stand, that can make the welcome feel warmer. Either way, it shows they've interrupted something you were glad to put down.

2. Putting the phone away

Washington's 18th rule could have been written for the smartphone era: "Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave" (Rules of Civility 18).

Replace "letters" with messages and the advice is surprisingly current. Checking a screen in the middle of a conversation tells the other person they're not quite holding your attention.

The old rule also contains a useful exception. When you really do need to check something, ask first: "Do you mind if I look at this? I'm waiting to hear from the school." Most people won't mind at all, and asking turns an interruption into a courtesy.

If you're expecting something important, a quick heads-up at the start works well too: "I might need to take one call, but otherwise my phone's away."

3. Asking about people before things

A short passage in the Analects records how Confucius reacted to bad news: "When the stables burnt, the Master returned from court asking, 'Was anyone hurt?' He did not ask after the horses" (Analects 10.14, Robert Eno's translation).

Horses were valuable property, so the order of his questions mattered. People came first.

The modern version is easy to miss. When a friend mentions a car accident, the first question should be "Are you okay?" rather than "How bad is the damage?" When a colleague's laptop is stolen, ask how they're doing before you ask about the files.

4. Sending a thank-you note

Thank-you notes can feel old-fashioned, even a little awkward. Research suggests that hesitation is often misplaced.

In three experiments, people wrote letters of gratitude and predicted how the recipients would feel. The writers underestimated how surprised and positive recipients would be, and overestimated how awkward they would feel. In a separate experiment, people who expected the recipient to feel more awkward said they were less likely to write a letter (Psychological Science, 2018).

A note doesn't need to be long or handwritten, though handwriting adds a personal touch. Be specific: "Thank you for dinner on Saturday. The lemon tart was wonderful, and I loved hearing about your trip." A few honest lines can mean more than you'd guess.

5. Helping people find their way in a group

When a music master named Mian came to visit, Confucius guided him in. "When he reached the steps, the Master said, 'Here are the steps.' When he reached the mat, the Master said, 'Here is the mat.' When all were seated, the Master said to him, 'So-and-so is here, so-and-so is there'" (Analects 15.42). Musicians in ancient China were typically blind, as Eno notes, and Confucius made sure his guest knew where he was and who was present.

Asked about it afterward, Confucius said this was simply the right way of "assisting a music master."

The same courtesy works at any gathering. When someone arrives who doesn't know anyone, walk them in, introduce them by name and mention something they might talk about: "This is Sam. Sam just got back from Portugal." It takes a moment and can change someone's whole evening.

6. Keeping your word, down to the small things

Washington's 82nd rule is short: "Undertake not what you cannot Perform but be Carefull to keep your Promise" (Rules of Civility 82).

Today that applies as much to small commitments as large ones: turning up when you said you would, replying to the invitation, returning the borrowed dish. These aren't grand gestures, but people notice who follows through.

If you can't keep a commitment, say so early: "I'm so sorry, I can't make Thursday after all. Could we do next week?" Letting someone know is part of keeping faith with them.

7. Resisting the urge to gloat

Rule 22 reads: "Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy" (Rules of Civility 22).

The temptation is real, especially with a rival. A colleague who took credit for your work gets passed over. A team you can't stand loses badly. A neighbor who complains about everything gets a parking ticket.

You don't have to pretend to be sorry. What matters is what you do next. If a rival's mistake becomes the joke in the group chat, let it pass without adding a punch line. People tend to remember who didn't pile on.

8. Seeing guests off properly

The Analects describes how Confucius treated visitors at court. When the guests had left, "he always returned to report, saying, 'The guests have ceased to look back'" (Analects 10.3).

Today, seeing someone off can be as simple as walking them to the door and staying for a proper goodbye. It's one of the most old-fashioned habits on this list, and also one of the warmest. It shows the visit mattered right up to the end.

A wave from the porch as the car pulls away costs a minute and tends to be remembered.

Manners are about respect, not rules

Old etiquette books were often about rank as much as kindness. Washington's rules include advice to "Strive not with your Superiers in argument" (Rules of Civility 40), and many traditional manners were used to mark who belonged and who didn't.

Customs also differ between cultures and generations. What counts as polite in one family or country can seem stiff or odd in another. The point isn't to follow a script. It's the idea in Washington's first rule: small, visible signs of respect for the people in front of you.

One place to start

Pick one manner from this list to practice this week. Write one specific thank-you note, or walk your next visitor all the way to the door.

Notice how the other person responds. Old-fashioned habits often survive for a simple reason: people still like being treated with care.