Most workplaces don't tell people where they stand. There's the occasional review or thank-you email, but much of the time you're left guessing what colleagues really think of you.

Those guesses may be gloomier than they should be. In a 2021 set of studies, people in small groups, student engineering teams and real workplaces consistently underestimated how much their teammates liked them. People who believed their teammates liked them less reported less willingness to ask for help. In the workplace sample, lower perceived liking was also linked to lower job satisfaction (Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 2021).

Being liked isn't the same as being respected, and the studies didn't measure respect directly. But they suggest people often read their own standing more harshly than others do. Respect at work rarely gets announced. It tends to show up in how people treat you. Here are eight signs worth noticing.

1. People run things by you before they decide

Cicero thought people place their confidence in two kinds of qualities. The first is practical wisdom: "we have confidence in those who we think have more understanding than ourselves, who, we believe, have better insight into the future, and who, when an emergency arises and a crisis comes, can clear away the difficulties" (On Duties 2.33, Walter Miller's translation).

At work, that confidence often sounds like "Can I run something by you?" A colleague wants your view on an email before they send it. A manager asks what you think before announcing a change. Someone from another team calls you when a project starts to wobble.

People don't usually seek out the judgment of someone they don't rate. If you're often consulted before decisions are made, it's a sign your opinion carries weight.

2. People trust you with situations that need care

Cicero's second quality was character. Confidence, he wrote, "is reposed in men who are just and true," because people assume "their characters admit of no suspicion of dishonesty or wrong-doing." He thought this mattered even more than cleverness: "justice has the greater power to inspire confidence" (On Duties 2.33-34).

At work, that kind of confidence shows in what people hand you. Your manager asks you to handle a tricky client conversation, gives you room to decide how to approach it, and offers to back you up if you need them.

That's different from simply being left alone. Being given something delicate, along with the freedom to handle it your way, suggests people trust both your judgment and your character. The same goes for colleagues who share sensitive information with you because they know it won't travel.

3. People send others your way

Xenophon recalls Socrates telling a cavalry commander how authority really works: "people are more apt to follow the lead of those whom they look upon as adepts; thus in case of sickness they are readiest to obey him whom they regard as the cleverest physician; and so on a voyage the most skilful pilot" (Memorabilia 3.3.9, H. G. Dakyns's translation).

In most workplaces, there's an informal map of who knows what. "Ask Maya, she'll know" or "Check with Dan before you send that" puts you on that map.

You might never hear those referrals happen. But if new people often turn up at your desk saying someone told them to talk to you, your expertise is being recognized whether or not it's in your job title.

4. People are willing to disagree with you

When a disciple asked how to serve a ruler, Confucius gave a short answer: "Do not deceive him, but be willing to offend him" (Analects 14.22, Robert Eno's translation). Honest disagreement, in his view, was a form of loyalty.

It can work the same way in reverse. People tend not to bother being candid with someone they've written off, and they avoid it with someone they expect to react badly. If colleagues push back on your ideas, point out problems or tell you when something isn't working, they likely think you can handle it and that your work is worth improving.

Disagreement can sting in the moment. But a team that tells you the truth is often a team that takes you seriously.

5. You're asked to show new people the ropes

Seneca believed people learn far more from example than from instruction. "The way is long if one follows precepts, but short and helpful, if one follows patterns," he wrote. The Stoic Cleanthes, he added, couldn't have become so like his teacher Zeno "if he had merely heard his lectures; he shared in his life" (Letter 6.5-6, Richard Gummere's translation).

Managers seem to understand this instinctively. When a new hire arrives, they pair them with someone whose habits they'd like copied.

If you're regularly asked to train newcomers, sit in on interviews or let someone shadow you, it's worth noticing. You're being treated as a pattern worth following.

6. People name you when they use your ideas

The Tao Te Ching describes the best leaders of antiquity as people whose influence was so light that, when their work was done, "the people all said, 'We are as we are, of ourselves!'" (Tao Te Ching 17, James Legge's translation).

Influence like that is real, but at work it's hard to see. An idea turning up in someone else's slides shows it traveled, not that anyone remembers where it came from. The clearer sign is when people attach your name to it: "Let's use Priya's checklist. It caught two issues last time."

When colleagues credit your work without being prompted, they're telling others it can be relied on. If you notice your ideas spreading without your name, it's reasonable to ask directly: "Glad the checklist is helping. Could you credit me when you share it?"

7. You can ask questions without losing credibility

Many people hesitate to ask for advice because they worry it will make them look less capable. Research suggests the fear is often misplaced. In a series of experiments, people who sought advice were seen as more competent than those who didn't, especially when the task was difficult and they asked the person evaluating them directly (Management Science, 2015).

In a workplace where you're respected, admitting "I'm not sure, what would you do?" doesn't change how people treat you. They still bring you work, still include you in decisions and still ask for your opinion afterward.

If you've noticed that asking questions hasn't hurt you, that's a sign people's view of you rests on something more solid than looking like you have every answer.

8. People make sure you're there for decisions where your judgment matters

Respect often shows up in who people make room for. Someone says, "Let's wait until Sam's back before we decide."

Waiting has a cost. It slows things down, and it would usually be easier to decide without you. When colleagues accept that delay, they're saying your input is worth it.

It's worth noticing which decisions this happens with. If people make sure you're in the room for the calls that touch your area of expertise, that's a clear sign your judgment carries weight there.

Respect isn't the same as being rewarded

Some of these signs can also be signs of being leaned on. The person everyone trusts can end up with everyone's problems, and quiet influence doesn't always lead to raises or promotions. If you see these signs but not the recognition that should come with them, it's reasonable to raise it directly.

And if you don't see many of these signs, that doesn't settle the question either. Some workplaces are simply poor at showing appreciation. Cicero's advice is still a sound place to put your effort. Quoting Socrates, he wrote that "the nearest way to glory... is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be" (On Duties 2.43).

One place to start

If the 2021 studies are any guide, your own guess about where you stand may be gloomier than the truth. Asking is more reliable than guessing.

This week, ask one colleague you trust: "What's one thing I do that you'd want me to keep doing?"