Plutarch ends his essay on talkativeness with a line from the Greek poet Simonides, who said "he had often repented of speaking, but never of holding his tongue" (On Talkativeness 23, W. C. Helmbold's translation).
Most people who have worked anywhere for long know the feeling. A complaint about a manager travels further than intended. A job interview gets mentioned too early. A joke about a colleague gets repeated, with your name attached.
People who do well at work aren't necessarily more secretive than anyone else. They tend to be more selective. They can be warm, open and easy to talk to, but they think about who needs to know something, and when. Sometimes the answer is nobody yet. Sometimes it's the one person who can act on it, today. Here are seven things they tend to keep to themselves, and how they decide when to share.
1. Their big goals, before they've done the work
Epictetus warned his students against advertising their self-discipline. If you live simply, he said, don't go around "saying upon every occasion, 'I drink water.'" And if you want to train yourself to endure hardship, "do it for your own sake, and not for the world." His example: "when you are violently thirsty, take a little cold water in your mouth, and spurt it out and tell nobody" (Enchiridion 47, Elizabeth Carter's translation).
Some modern research points in a similar direction. In a set of four experiments, people followed through less on plans tied to who they wanted to become, such as a future psychologist or lawyer, when someone else had taken notice of those plans. In one study, 49 psychology students wrote down their study plans for the coming week. A week later, those whose plans had been read by the experimenter reported acting on them on fewer days than those whose plans were supposedly discarded. The researchers suggest that having others notice an intention can give people a premature sense of already being the person they're aiming to be (Psychological Science, 2009).
The studies were small and involved students, and that first one relied on the students' own reports, so it's a finding to hold lightly. But it fits a pattern many people recognize. Announcing "I'm going to get certified this year" can feel like progress before any progress has happened.
A practical alternative is to sign up, finish the first module and mention it when there's something to show. If you want support, tell one person who will ask how it's going, rather than the whole team. And if someone needs to know, such as a manager who has to approve study time, tell them. That's planning, not announcing.
2. What they really think of their colleagues
The Book of Proverbs has a simple image for workplace friction: "Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth" (Proverbs 26:20, King James Version).
Criticizing colleagues behind their backs can also reflect on the person doing it. In a series of studies, people who described someone else as having a particular trait tended to be seen as having that trait themselves. The effect appeared even when participants were told the speakers and the descriptions had nothing to do with each other (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998). Call a colleague lazy or dishonest, and some of the label may stick to you.
That doesn't mean pretending everyone is wonderful. If you have a real problem with a colleague, take it to them or to the person who can fix it. When a conversation turns into a pile-on, you can step out of it without lecturing anyone: "I haven't seen that side of him. What happened?"
3. Their sore spots
The Spanish Jesuit Baltasar Gracián wrote a book of worldly advice in 1647, and some of it is shrewd to the point of cynicism. One maxim reads: "Do not show your wounded Finger, for everything will knock up against it; nor complain about it, for malice always aims where weakness can be injured" (The Art of Worldly Wisdom 145, Joseph Jacobs's translation).
Gracián was writing about court intrigue, where enemies looked for ways to hurt you. Most workplaces are kinder than that, and for most people the more useful lesson is about choosing the right audience.
Research suggests the audience can matter. In three lab experiments, a partner presented as higher in status who disclosed a weakness during a shared task was then seen as lower in status and had less influence. Partners presented as peers who made similar disclosures didn't pay that price (Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 2018). These were specific tasks in a lab, not real careers, but they suggest the same disclosure can land differently depending on who hears it.
This isn't about hiding mistakes or pretending to be invulnerable. It's about choosing your audience. If an old project still knocks your confidence, talk it through with a colleague you trust. If you're leading a similar project now, share what you learned and what you'll do differently.
4. How busy they are
The Roman fabulist Phaedrus had no patience for a certain type: people "hurriedly running to and fro, busily engaged in idleness, out of breath about nothing at all." To make his point, he told a story he said was true.
The emperor Tiberius was strolling through the gardens of his villa at Misenum. One of the household slaves, hoping to be noticed, began sprinkling the dusty path with a watering pot. Then he ran ahead by shortcuts and started watering the next path too. Tiberius called him over, and the man came running, expecting his reward. The emperor's reply was dry: "You have not profited much; your labour is all in vain; manumission stands at a much higher price with me" (Fables 2.5, Henry Thomas Riley's translation). The man had hoped to earn his freedom. Tiberius saw exactly what he was doing.
The modern watering pot might be the "So slammed this week" in every conversation, or the late-night email sent mainly to be seen. People who are good at their jobs are often very busy. They just don't tend to make it their headline.
When someone asks how things are going, try leading with what got done: "Busy, but good. We finally finished the launch plan." That tells people far more than how frantic you've been.
When the workload really is a problem, though, saying so is part of doing the job well. Frame it as a choice someone can make: "I can finish the launch plan by Thursday or review the budget by Friday. Which should come first?" That gives your manager what they need to decide.
5. The favors they've done for others
Seneca told a story about a man who was saved by one of Caesar's friends from the proscriptions, the death lists drawn up during Rome's civil wars. The rescuer kept bringing it up. Eventually the man "found it impossible to endure his preserver's arrogance," and wanted to cry out, "Give me back to Caesar." Seneca imagines him asking, "How long will you go on saying, 'I saved you, I snatched you from the jaws of death?'" (On Benefits 2.11, Aubrey Stewart's translation).
The workplace version is less dramatic but just as wearing. "I covered for you on Friday." "Remember, I basically wrote that proposal." Each reminder turns a kindness into a debt.
This is different from getting credit for your own work. If you led a project, it's fair to say so clearly to the person who decides your pay or promotion. What tends to backfire is reminding the colleague you helped, again and again, that they owe you.
6. Their next move, before it's settled
Gracián had a line for this too: "A breast without a secret is an open letter." Keeping quiet, he thought, takes self-control, and every confidence comes at a cost: "You must pay ransom to each you tell" (The Art of Worldly Wisdom 179).
At work, the clearest example is a job search. Once one colleague knows you're interviewing elsewhere, you no longer control who else finds out, or when.
Internal moves are different. If you're curious about a transfer or a new role, an early conversation with your manager or a mentor may be how you find out what it would take.
Either way, the people most affected by your plans should hear about them from you, not secondhand. If you're looking elsewhere, it's usually wise to keep it to yourself until there's a decision to share.
7. That they're in the loop
Plutarch tells the story of Fulvius, a friend of the emperor Augustus. Fulvius heard Augustus, by then an old man, say he was planning to recall a grandson from exile. Fulvius told his wife. She told Augustus's wife, Livia, who confronted the emperor. The next morning Fulvius arrived with his usual greeting, "Hail, Caesar," and Augustus replied, "Farewell, Fulvius" (On Talkativeness 11). The story ends in tragedy.
Few workplace secrets carry those stakes. But the temptation is familiar. Knowing something before others do, such as a reorganization, a colleague's resignation or who's getting the promotion, can make people feel important, and hinting at it is a way of showing that you're trusted.
The irony is that hinting is exactly what makes people stop trusting you. When someone asks, "Do you know anything about the restructure?" a simple "That's not mine to share" protects the person who confided in you, and quietly shows others they could confide in you too.
Discretion isn't the same as secrecy
None of this means being closed off. Sharing things about yourself is one of the main ways people build relationships. A review of research on self-disclosure found that people who disclose more tend to be liked more, and that people tend to like those they have opened up to (Psychological Bulletin, 1994). Even the 2018 study above found no penalty for peers who disclosed a weakness.
Some things also need to be said. Mistakes, safety concerns, an unmanageable workload and unfair treatment are worth raising, even when it's uncomfortable. In many countries, including the US for most private-sector employees, discussing pay with coworkers is legally protected. And Gracián's world of courtiers and rivals isn't a model for every workplace. Advice built for court intrigue can tip into suspicion if you take all of it.
The goal is judgment, not silence: knowing who needs to know, and when.
One place to start
Before you share something at work this week, ask one question: "Who needs to know this, and how soon?"
If it's a private frustration, give yourself time to cool down. If someone needs the information to fix a problem or make a decision, tell them directly.